John and Dave's Anal Escapade
by MexicanSpearman
Summary: This is a rather kinky JohnDave story. Rose makes a cameo. Do not read this if you are not familiar with at least a couple really weird fetishes. On the funny side as well, so as to not make it too serious. This also doesn't follow canon strictly, as John is the flagrant homosexual in this, while Dave is in the closet at the beginning.
_John and Dave's Anal Escapade: Act 1_

John Egbert strode into Dave's room. The smell of cotton and vinyl filled his lungs, only making his craving for Dave's strid-ass stronger

See, John had been interested in Dave for a long while. Dave, still in his metaphoric closet, didn't want to admit his own admiration for the soft ebony hair upon John's delicate face; as much as John would not tell of how Dave's muscular, undulating figure and temperate humor made him go hog-wild. The most peculiar of John's fantasies were not agrarian in their security, as he was more than well aware that a sword up his ass would not lead to health later down the line. Dave, still unaware of John's unquenchable thirst for him, often noted his straightness, trying to hide his true desires.

"How's it going, loser?" asks Dave, convincingly dominant.

"I'm feeling pretty gay," says John, cowardly. Dave retorts by unsurprisingly noting his lack of homosexuality inside of him, even though both him and John know that that was an utter fabrication, only said to secure the hypermasculinity that would soon be removed.

"Well, if you're really straight, then have sex with me and don't feel any pleasure."  
Dave stood blank. He was unable to retort, as he knew there wasn't a good way out of this. Should he admit that he truly would want John's gargantuan scepter inside of him, or should he admit his flagrant queersity now?

"Let's fucking go," said Dave, unable to back down from even the most degenerate of challenges. This prompted John to un-captchalogue his anal beads, always waiting for the perfect moment to use them on the love of his life.

Dave cemented himself as a dominant, but John knew better. John pushed Dave to the ground, making the computer near him rattle. "Let's rock this shit," said John, as a cool guitar riff played in the distance. Dave, cowering in a hormonal mix of fear and rapid excitement, screamed at the top of his lungs like a mentally impaired giraffe. "Does that turn you on?" asked Dave, on the verge of tears. "More than you could ever know, baby grill," said John, remaining in control.

John combines the anal beads with Dave's collection of swords, and the anal beads become serrated, providing optimal pleasure. Dave squirmed in anticipation, his 4-inch penis elongating to a wicked 7 inches. "My penis looks like a goddamn flesh dragon," said Dave, making John laugh as he lubes the beads. "That's nothing," said John, as his bulge called for Dave's orifices. Dave's orbs contracted in fear.

"Time to rob you of your anal virginity like Nicholas Cage takes the Declaration of Independence" said John, smirking and chuckling. "Do I have to open my ass for this or some shit," asks Dave, trying to act nonchalant in spite of his fear. John nods vehemently, and Dave spreads himself for the ass-fucking John's anal beads will provide.

The slicing beads slowly flow into Dave's gaping ba-donk-a-donk, each one making him uncontrollably let out a whimper in bigger and bigger movements as each bead enters. "Are you gonna fuck me like Nicholas Cage fucked the Declaration of Independance?" said Dave, more than well aware that this would rile John up. "Oh, _now_ you're gonna get it," said John, aware of Dave's impotent goof. "Please don't hurt me…" said Dave, even though he desired being punished most.

Dave and John have forgotten at this point that Rose can see all of John's movements, as he is connected to her. Rose, before this point, was too busy knitting and fighting imps to bother with checking on John. Once she looked, however, she knew what she had to do.

"This turn of events is rather fascinating," says Rose, her libido thriving. "With all this going down, I suppose it wise to masturbate." Rose snatches her knitting needles, and proceeds to shove them inside of her vagina, well aware of her g-spot after her last encounter with Jade.

The last anal bead on the string goes in, and Dave yelps in pain, only making his pleasure rod throb harder. "Do I make you horny baby," says John, making an Austin Powers reference, much to the dismay of Dave. "You are shoving anal beads up my ass and you didn't stop and think 'hey, maybe i shouldn't make an austin powers reference here, because i don't want to ruin the mood'," says Dave. John slaps his brat for acting up, and shoves a sounding rod down Dave's urethra to help calm his wild outspurts.

At this point, Dave is having to repress his tears of pain and his moans of pleasure, as both would only make John's manhood stronger. John could sense that Dave was very close to ejaculating. "Are you very close to ejaculating?" asks John. "you fuckin know it dude" says Dave. "Good." John lightly punches Dave in the face, and he releases a gentle whine in satisfaction.

"LET IT RIP!" says John, and pulls out the serrated anal beads like a beyblade at a speed of which they are not intended to be pulled out. The room fills with popping noises as the anal beads are removed, and Dave cries in what seemed to be a spectacular mix of terror and joy. Blood oozes out of Dave's gaping crevice due to John's foolish act. Rose squirts all over her computer screen, making it short-circuit.

Dave lies still. "Dave…" says John. "A-Are you okay?". Silence.

"Oh no. Not like this!" says John, now aware of the damage his kinks have caused. Dave remained pale, elder, without breathing. "Dave! Wake up!" said John, and he begins to cry. "Come back Dave! Dave!". John cries for 41 minutes and 3 seconds.

John looks in shame upon what he's caused. He yells "There must be a way to fix this!" and proceeds to think deeply.

"Maybe I can bring him back into this world the same way I took him from it," he exclaims, and grabs his penis. "Maybe if I jack off onto his corpse, he will be revived!"

John ties his legs to a post. He beats himself repeatedly with a whip. He harnesses all of his kinks, and uses them for good.

"I will make you my babygirl again!" yells John, and starts jacking himself off. "You will remain my bitch! This is an order!". He shoves Dave's sword up his ass, the incision only deepening his passion. "You must come back, and be the Johnny Blaze to my Roxanne!" Even at a time of great strife like this, John couldn't help but make another Nicolas Cage reference "I am not a demon. I am a lizard, a shark, a heat-seeking panther. I want to be Bob Denver on acid playing the accordion." John's own self-amusement only makes his wand pulse more viciously, and John was ready to release his seed upon Dave's burly bod.

John grasped his asshole, and prolapsed it upon the post. He leaned back upon it, and he felt the tender, exposed flesh embrace the rod. "TIME TO D-D-D-D-DUEL!" said John. His male tears splashed upon Dave's dead face, and lightened his carapace with the viscous white liquid. He broke free from the feeble bondage rope that was holding him to the pole, and he falls on Dave's penis with his rectum.

"Dave. Are you there?" asks John, unsure of the success of his plan. "You fookin know it, mate," says Dave.

Rose, after she cleaned the vaginal liquid that covered her screen, proceeded to make a new computer, of which she could view the action. She turned on her new computer, and saw John lying atop Dave's body, his asshole currently bleeding and horribly mangled. "Considering the circumstances, my session of which I was pleasuring myself previously wasn't particularly prudent," says Rose, even though practically no one cool knows what half those words mean.

"Hey Dave, I know we just had some really kinky and fucking weird shit happen to us, but do you want to keep this hush-hush? I won't tell people you're gay, and you won't tell people I accidentally killed you at some point," asks John. "sure, so long as this happens more often."

Life went on, after that. Something like it, anyway. John continued to have kinky sex with Dave, with a few more parameters. No one knew, or so they thought.

"Hey Dave, how are you doing today?" asks Rose, ready to bomb Dave the fuck out. "Just fine, fuckass" says Dave, annoyed of the pestering.

"You know, you should invite me to some of the parties you and John have. It seems like it'd be pleasant."

 **END OF ACT 1**


End file.
